Why Can't People Talk Write?

 Just where do they learn to talk?  Really?  And just who are they talking to when they talk like this?  Who am I talking about when I say such things you ask?  Experts.  Connoisseurs.  The learned (ler-ned).

No, really, you tell me if you understand this from the February 2015 Cigar Aficionado Magazine.  In it, we are treated to the Top 25 Cigars of 2014 (written by David Savona who is a true aficionado and true to his craft, but each review is probably from a rater - who compiled the notes from experts who smoked and then made notes/rated each cigar individually).  So, here we go with the cigar rated number 4, a Cuban (what good does knowing this help me since I cannot get them right now anyway?) named a Hoyo de Monterrey Epicure Especial (Tubo):  "The cigar is very, very rich, with varied notes that include coffee, earth and cocoa powder, and a touch of graham cracker."  It gets better, the number 5 cigar, the Rocky Patel Royale Toro is right next to it, and it says:  "The Royale is a rich, spicy smoke, with pleasant hints of chocolate." I saw another one that describe the flavor as "leather." Leather?  Like baseball glove leather?  I don't understand.

I've had the privilege of meeting Rocky Patel on several occasions, and even the maker of a cigar doesn't talk like this.  Instead, when you walk up to him and ask, "Which of these would you recommend?" he doesn't go down a list of attributes that confuse, he just asks, "What do you like ordinarily?"

So imagine my surprise the other day when I went to the local bar that allows you to smoke cigars (a dying breed sadly).  I pulled out my cigar that is spicy with a hint of oak, and asked the wait staff what kind of beer was on special today.  "Every beer is $2 today."  Every? I asked.  Yes, except our coffee porter.  Oh, now see, there they go.  Even the wait staff is talking like that.  Coffee porter? I asked.  Yes, it's a seasonal beer, she replied.  Oh, never mind then.  So, I asked if  could try that.

Folks.  Let me tell you now that I stumbled on to, quite by accident, a beer that was absolutely wonderful.  Real Ale Brewery in Blanco, Texas (Fireman's 4 is one you may know), has produced an absolutely wonderful porter that is strong and yet does not  have the bite that a stout or porter may possess.  The seasonal beer, Real Ale Coffee Porter, is a very nice surprise that I did not expect.  God certainly ordained that I have this beer since it was too cold to have a cigar outside, so my trip to a place I don't frequent was accidental.  Finding this seasonal beer, then, was ordained by God Himself.

I went to the website for my usual "here are the specs for you beer types who like those kinds of things" readers.  Let's just say they make great beer and don't keep a well-maintained website. So, if you are going to focus on something as a craft brewery, focus on beer-making. The Internet is highly over-rated anyway.

To finish the story, the cigar was a medium body cigar, not too lite and not too strong, and went well with this fine ale.  To think, this was all by accident, and it turned out to be a great find.